Jesus & Java

I've entitled this blog "Church Coffee....." because, well.... I bet you know what I'm talking about. Church coffee has been the butt of many a joke throughout Christendom's years (at least since the invention of the coffee maker.) It's either so watered-down you can barely distinguish it from untreated tap water, or it's so strong that you need a jack hammer to drive your little plastic stir stick into it.

No offense to you faithful volunteers who get up early every Sunday morning to come in before the rooster crows to crank up the old community coffee brewer. I complained about church coffee myself until the first time I actually had to make some for a fundraising dinner. See, at home I use one tablespoon of fine grind for every eight ounces of water. I have always done this because that's what the instructions said on the first coffee pot I ever got after my husband and I were married. It turned out a bit on the strong side, but I quickly discovered that both me and my husband preferred it that way.

So when I was assigned coffee-making duties for this particular event, I simply followed the same directions I was used to at home. I converted my tablespoons into cups and poured in enough grounds for eighty eight-ounce cups of coffee. Just before I hit the "start" button I looked at the two pounds of grounds in the basket and thought to myself, "Hmmm, that seems like a LOT of coffee grounds." But then, who am I to question the instructions of Mr. Coffee, he of the original home coffee brewing appliances?

What I failed to realize is that industrial coffee makers are different from the home variety. It turns out that two pounds of coffee grinds was a little too much after all. Having been busy with preparations for the fundraiser, I hadn't actually had time to sample my own brew. But when people began to choke and gasp and drop their coffee cups, I started to suspect that perhaps something was amiss with my recipe. I sneaked off to the coffee table and poured a cup for myself and quickly discovered that brewing coffee at home and brewing coffee at church were two completely different culinary experiences.

After the first twenty or so cups had been dispensed, word must have gotten around because the coffee table wasn't touched for the rest of the evening. At the end of the night I briefly considered pouring the remainder into my gas tank, certain it was probably strong enough to get me home and just might be the next great thing in fuel innovations.

I don't criticize church coffee anymore. Though admittedly, I still poke fun at it like everyone else. It just wouldn't be Sunday morning (or Saturday night, or some other night of the week, depending on when your particular church meets) without good old church coffee. Let's face it, how else would we all manage to stay awake through the sermon........