And You Thought Being A PASTOR'S Wife was Hard....

Next time you're tempted to give your husband the ultimatum ("Honey, it's the church or me"), remember, things could be worse. Be thankful you're not married to one of THESE ten guys:


1) Bounty Hunter:"Not tonight dear; I have to rendezvous with an axe murderer."
2) Nuclear Weapons Tester: "By the way darling, there's an 18 and a half percent chance that our future children will be born with two heads...."
3) Attack Dog Trainer: "Sorry babe, I have to work late tonight.... rush order for the Hell's Angels. By the way, my facial lacerations are healing nicely. You can hardly see the teeth marks anymore!"
4) Bomb Diffuser: "See you after work dear. Or not."
5) Dysentery Stool Sample Analyzer: Yes, this is a real job. I pity the woman married to the man who brings his work home with him.
6) Worm Taster: Also a real job. "No dinner for me tonight sweetheart. I couldn't eat another bite."
7) Snake Milker: Biblical or not (Mark 16:18), at least the "snakes" on a Deacon's board aren't full of deadly venom....
8) Bovine Inseminator: How's that for a romantic prelude????
9) Flatulence Analyst: Yes, this job is exactly what it sounds like. Even worse if you also happen to have boys at home.
10) Rodeo Clown. Now that would be just plain ridiculous.

I think I'll stay in the fishbowl for now! (Matt. 5:12)

These Walls Can Talk: Staying "Above Reproach" on Facebook

"If thine Wall offend thee, purge it. For it is better to have a blank Facebook Wall than to risk thine reputation or the reputation of one of thine Facebook friends."

That's my 2009 version of Matthew 18:9. Of course, the original version is still as relevant today as it was the day it was written. But I can't help but wonder if the apostle Matthew were alive today and were to rewrite his gospel if he would include a reference to Facebook.

It's hard for me to believe that one year ago I hadn't even heard of Facebook. Today I am an avid fan, and rarely go a day without checking to see what all of my friends are up too. It's an excellent tool for modern communication, sharing thoughts, and keeping in touch in a busy world. I've managed to reconnect with friends I haven't heard from in years. The longest-lost friend I've managed to find so far is one that I lost touch with twenty years ago, and rekindling that old friendship has been a source of joy for me.

But it didn't take me long to discover that Facebook, with all its perks and benefits, also has some potential pitfalls too. The first one that affected me personally was my near "Superwall" fiasco.

The "Superwall" application allows users on your friend list to post pictures, images and video clips directly to your profile page. Once you add Superwall to your profile, you also see in your daily feed all of the things that people on your friend list are posting on other people's Superwalls, or that your friends are receiving from THEIR friends.

It was in this inadvertent manner that I received a disturbing and arguably X-rated picture, one that had been posted by someone who was not even on my friend list, to another person who was. As my then 10-year old daughter stood looking at the computer screen over my shoulder, I innocently opened up my home page only to have this disturbing image jump straight onto my screen.

It startled me so much that I actually cried out and threw my body over the screen to protect my daughter. Fortunately I managed to cover it before she fully absorbed the image. But it was one of my first encounters with the downside(s) of Facebook.

I removed the Superwall application from my profile that very day. But the incident caused me to explore other ways in which Facebook can be potentially damaging to Christians in general, and to professional ministers in particular.

My husband shared an unfortunate story he heard recently of a minister who was applying for a position in a church. She had all the right skills and qualifications, and seemed to be the perfect candidate for the church and the position.

As so many organizations and institutions do (such as college admissions boards, secular employers and more,) this church examined the candidate's Facebook profile. Though her own profile appeared to be "above reproach," her husband's profile indicated something less than savory, and it was this that cost her the perfect job.

There are hundreds of stories of Christians and ministers who have been caught in compromising positions, circumstances and situations due to the chance taking of a photograph. Professional and lay church leaders alike have been removed from positions of leadership and authority because someone, perhaps even someone the minsiter didn't know, took a questionable cell phone picture and posted it on Facebook.

Facebook can also be construed as the gossip chain of the new millenium. Christians carelessly post opinions (even seemingly innocuous ones), thoughts and even slander, forgetting that these words are seen by potentially hundreds or even thousands of people.

Even aspects of Facebook as innocent as one's profile "Wall" are potential hotbeds for trouble. It's a good thing our walls at home don't talk, but Facebook Walls do, so keeping their language clean and respectable requires attentiveness and discernment. They may even require the occassional "purging."

I know a number of Christians who have closed their Facebook accounts because of issues like these. While this may be a respectable choice, in some ways I can't help but feel that this is akin to throwing the baby out with the bathwater. There are so many advantages to being on Facebook (quick and easy communication with masses of people, keeping in touch with friends and family, even creating affinity within your church) that a strong case can be made for the merits of keeping an active Facebook profile, and even creating pages for your church, youth group, care group, etc.

But like any other aspect of our lives, we need to apply the principles of godliness to our Facebook activities. That may mean regularly scrutinizing our Walls, being careful about the applications that we add, and even being selective about our friend lists.

When it comes to the pastor or ministry leader, we have an even greater responsibility to watch our Facebook behavior, as outlined in I Timothy 3:2, which states in part: "The overseer [pastor, leader, shepherd, etc.] must be above reproach." Reproach is defined by Merriam Webster as "A cause or occasion of blame, discredit or disgrace." This is a serious charge, one which was not meant to be taken lightly by those who purport to minister over others. Few things could be worse than your "Walls" destroying your own ministry.

Coming to Terms: When God Throws a Curveball

I've found myself pondering the meaning of "coming to terms" a lot lately. I'd always assumed the phrase meant coming to accept a particular life situation, usually in reference to a crisis or unexpected event. For example, "I've come to terms with my cancer," or some such circumstance.

But like so many other words, phrases and euphemisms in the English language, etymology often becomes muddled with the passage of time. It's sometimes surprising to find that common, ordinary words and phrases have colorful and prodigious origins.

So I set out to find the origin of "coming to terms." My quick desktop study revealed something eye-opening, a meaning that I had recently started to suspect was closer to the truth than merely "coming to accept."

I have yet to discover from whence the phrase exacted, but "coming to terms" actually refers to a bargaining process between two parties. When two entities are striking a contract, they must agree on the "terms" of the contract before either or both are willing to sign. Otherwise, parties may be bound to points or clauses which are disagreeable or even detrimental to their own interests.

And so, bargaining begins. Each side gives its own input. A draft contract is written. Then both sides examine the "terms" of the contract. If each entity finds the terms acceptable, they sign the contract. If not, they go back to bargaining, or trying to "come to terms."

Sometimes one or both sides have to give in a little, or even a lot, in order to achieve a contract that represents the best interests of each one. The cost of giving in on one or more "terms" must be weighed against the benefits of the overall contract. If the benefits outweigh those costs, then the two parties have "come to terms."

So what happens when you apply this idea to the Christian life? What happens when God throws you a curveball? You didn't ask for it, you didn't expect it, and you most certainly didn't want it. Whether it's a terminal illness, the death of a loved one or the loss of a career, is it fair to ask me to "come to terms" with it when God never consulted me first? The ball is already in play, but I didn't get a chance to weigh in on the "terms." So how, exactly, do I "come to terms" when the terms, and subsequently, the Author of those terms, cannot be bargained with?

I recently found myself pondering a curveball of my own, tempted once again to say "It's not fair." If only God would allow for changes to Term X, then I would gladly give in on Term Y. He and I could "come to terms" fairly, and this whole mess would be less painful for me.

But God cannot be bargained with. In reality, God does not ask for His children to "come to terms" with Him and His plans. Instead, He writes the contract, and then requires us to sign "as is." There is no bargaining, no pleading, no offering of favors in exchange for favors. I must simply accept whatever curveball He throws me.

Fortunately though, I do have a choice of responses. I can either stand there and be stubborn while a ball flies straight for my head (which would surely lead to more pain and disaster), or, I can accept His curveball and partake in His promise: "I will never leave you or forsake you." This particular promise, first delivered to Joshua in Deuteronomy 31:6, is repeated numerous times throughout the rest of the Bible.

Once the curveball has left the glove, there's no sending it back. So I guess I can either let it hit me in the face, or I can pick up my bat and smack it out of the park. I'll just have to make sure I ask for the biggest bat God has.

The Top Ten Things I "Love" About Being a Pastor's Wife

10) Someone always notices when I wear a new outfit, even if my husband doesn't. In fact, they're probably analyzing it with half a dozen friends. Sometimes I'll get a phone call from someone who doesn't even go to my church asking me to model it for them. Sometimes, while pastoring at smaller churches, it would even make the following Sunday's bulletin.

9) If I get a great haircut, I hear about it.

8) If I get a bad haircut, I hear about it.

7) Editing my husband's sermons.

6) Arguing over a grammatical point in my husband's sermon, and wondering why he asked for my help in the first place if he didn't really want my opinion.

5) Correcting people who assume that I can play the piano.

4) Correcting people who assume that I would love to lead the church's children's ministry.

3) Watching other people put my husband on a pedestal while thinking to myself, "If they only knew how many times I pick his dirty socks and underwear up off the floor at home……."

2) Entertaining dinner guests that my husband forgot to tell me that he invited over.

1) The never-ending life lessons on thrift: how to stretch a dollar to its maximum while living on a Pastor's salary. Value Village, here I come!



Are there any pastor's wives out there who can relate? Share your stories with me.