Building Bridges

For the last two years or so, my children and I have watched with fascination as a massive suspension bridge has been built just up river from where we live. Its impressive spans and vaulting cables can be seen towering above centuries-old groves of trees that line either side of the river over which it crosses, linking two major communities together that were once joined only by a quaint but slow and inconvenient ferry system.

Every time we would drive by this work in progress, we would observe the latest additions to the structure and comment on how the bridge was taking shape. Sometimes it seemed as though nothing visible was being accomplished for days at a time, even though dozens and dozens of workers were always present. Other times it was as though whole sections of bridge would appear seemingly overnight, as if bridge fairies had visited in the wee hours of the morning.

We also marveled at the various aspects of bridge building that were surprising to us. One day we drove by and noticed piles and piles of giant bricks with nubs on the sides. This excited my boys greatly: "They look just like giant Legos, Mom!" Turns out, they were made from styrofoam. Who knew bridges can be built with styrofoam?

The last several months have been the most exciting to watch, as more and more spans were added from each end, until they finally met near the middle and the last piece was dropped in. After years of building, the bridge is complete and will open to the public in less than a month.

Every time I drive by that bridge, I can't help but think of all that goes into building bridges. Over two years of work, and that doesn't even include the years and years of planning that go into such an effort. It's a remarkable thing to begin with an idea, and years later finally see all those plans and all of the work culminate into a suspension bridge that will stand for decades (maybe even centuries) and see the passage of billions and billions of vehicles over its length.

In fact, it reminds me an awful lot of ministry in general, and church ministry in particular. After all, isn't this what we're all doing in all of our churches all over the world? Ministry is all about building bridges. Whether professional or lay ministers, we work at building bridges between parents and children, children and adults, teens and adults, teens and their peers, old and young, husbands and wives, couples, ethnic groups, Christians and non-Christians, mature Christians and new, "baby" Christians.... and the list goes on and on.

Building bridges in our churches doesn't happen overnight either. Much as our Golden Ears bridge has been years in the making, it takes time to build bridges in our churches. It's easy as leaders (professional or otherwise) to get discouraged because, let's face it: sometimes it seems that little or no progress is being made. We often bump up against hurdles that seem to set progress back. It's easy to feel like "throwing in the towel" and walking away from a half-built bridge in frustration.

Watching this bridge go from a concept to a grand suspension bridge that will link two communities together and vastly change the way we travel, recreate and do business has been a powerful visual object lesson and reminder to me that bridges are not built overnight. Instead, when they are discussed, planned, designed with purpose, and built with proper care and due attention (including working through the inevitable glitches) they become a thing of awe and a beacon for and symbol of change, progress and brand new relationships.

"[I am confident] that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day that Jesus Christ returns." Philippians 1:6

Three Easy Ways that the Church Can Help Strengthen the Pastor's Marriage

Pastor Kevin Martineau of Port Hardy Baptist Church (my husband and I go back to Bible college days with him and his wife) recently returned from the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Conference in New York City. He shares some of his thoughts about his and his wife's experiences there in his blog, Shooting the Breeze. I found his thoughts not only intriguing, but also realized that many of his experiences trying to balance marriage with ministry were eerily similar to mine and my husband's own experiences.

Ministry can be very hard on a marriage, which doesn't seem logical considering Christian ministry and Christian marriage both supposedly center around the same thing (Jesus Christ.) And yet my husband and I can attest to this fact, having been in both marriage and ministry for almost 17 years now.

Shepherding a flock (whether big or small or somewhere in between) can take a toll on the Pastor and his wife. It can be exhausting both physically and emotionally to spend ten or twelve hours a day (let's face it... I don't know many pastors who work eight hour days. Do you?) ministering to the needs of others, and then somehow find the emotional energy to come home and connect with your spouse. Throw in kids on top of that, and you have the perfect recipe for marriage burnout.

If it's true, as Pastor Kevin suggests, that a church is only as healthy as the marriage(s) of its pastor(s), I think it stands to reason that the church is in a prime position to benefit a great deal from helping to nurture those marriages. So what, exactly, can the church do to help ensure that its pastor's marriage thrives?

Seventeen years in ministry has by no means made us marriage experts (and believe me, we've had our share of marital struggles,) but it has given us some very good insight into how a church can encourage its pastor(s) to have good marriage(s.) Here are just a few of those insights:

1) Don't phone the pastor on his day off. Nothing short of death or near-death is so critical that it can't wait until tomorrow. Most pastors take only one full day off per week. This has been the case for us ever since my husband entered full-time ministry, and has been the case for every single other pastor we have ever worked with. Even pastors who are fortunate enough to get two days off in a week need to really be able to escape the workplace. Many pastors devote those days off to spending time with their spouses, since it's often the only one they have together in a week. Parishioners should recognize this and save their business for the next workday so that the pastor can feel as though he can put work aside and focus fully on his spouse.

2) Respect his desire to maintain balance. In many churches the pastor is expected to be a part of most or even all of the goings-on at the church. There's a good chance he's already out several nights per week on church affairs. Don't add another night onto his plate if it means he'll be sacrificing time with his wife and family. Running at a breakneck pace without any chance to connect during the week can leave a pastor exhausted and his wife frustrated, neither of which is conducive to marital bliss.

3) Be intentional about seeing that your pastor and spouse get away together. Pastors don't make a lot of money. (Shocking, isn't it?) Sometimes it's difficult for the pastor and his wife to budget for a dinner out, let alone a weekend away together. Trust me when I tell you that the best gifts my husband and I have been given by our congregations over the years are those that came in the form of dinner gift certificates and paid-for weekend getaways. (When our kids were little these often came with offers of free babysitting.) Just a couple of these kinds of gifts each year can make a gigantic difference in the relationship of the pastor and his wife. (Try sending them to a marriage enrichment conference for double the bang for your buck.)

These really are easy and relatively painless ways to show your pastor and his wife that you care about their marriage. The dividends that the church will receive in return far outweigh any cost (financial or otherwise) incurred.

Read Pastor Kevin's thoughts on maintainting an emotionally healthy marriage: "As Goes the Pastor's Marriage, So Goes the Church."