The Value of Mentorship

Recently I was talking with a friend about the idea of mentoring relationships: what that looks like, and why mentoring is important. I'm not sure if she realized it, but I actually considered her a "mentor," and I value her wisdom and maturity as much as I do her friendship.

When you think of the word "mentor," what kinds of images come to mind? The picture that usually jumps into my mind initially looks something like a young Luke Skywalker conversing with Yoda.... old (and by old, I mean REALLY old. Elderly old. White hair, gray wispy beard OLD) imparting wise sayings to a young charge over a cup of herbal tea ("Size matters not, ... Look at me. Judge me by size, do you?”) and generally being boring with one another. Maybe the occasional Light Sabre match. But overall, BORING.

Is that what mentoring is really all about? I suppose there is much to be learned by sitting at the feet of one who emulates Socrates and listening to wise sayings all day long. But I think sometimes Christians make mentoring too complicated. Mentoring doesn't have to be about Bible study (though I'm certainly not knocking Bible studies.) What mentoring should be about is friendship.

About a year ago my husband and I took a course on marriage mentoring. The basic philosophy of this particular program is that married couples need mentors in the way of another married couple who is more experienced at marriage, that is, who have been married longer. The program encourages these "experienced" couples to get together with a newly married couple on a regular basis, not for Bible study or to discuss philosophy, but just to talk. To hang out, have coffee, talk about what married life is like, bounce questions and ideas off one another.

Mentors in this particular program didn't have to be Bible scholars, nor were they expected to know all the answers. They are simply asked to befriend and listen.

I think THAT is what mentoring is really about. Whether it's marriage mentoring, or mentoring in general, it's not about mentors having all the answers or being perfect Christians. It's about sharing one's own greater experience with someone less experienced.

I have a number of mentors in my own life who are older than I am, some just a few years older, others who are decades more experienced at life than I. In fact, my best friend is twenty years older than I am, and I cherish her as both a friend and a mentor. I don't know if she realizes how smart she is, and I know that she doesn't "know it all," but I value her life experiences and treasure her willingness to share those experiences with me (both the good and the bad.)

I believe I've grown a great deal under her "counsel," which usually consists of us chatting over a cup of coffee or taking a walk together. It's nothing complicated, and often we don't even talk about "deep" issues when we're together. Nevertheless, her experience and maturity has definitely enriched my life, even if we're just comparing lasagna recipes or complaining about our husbands' snoring!

I also have relationships where I myself might be considered the mentor. And I know that being on the mentoring end of the relationship is just as rewarding as being the mentoree (is that even a word?) I know I also have a great deal to gain from investing myself in a younger generation. I know that my young friends don't expect me to have all the answers (thank God, because most of the time I'm really, really dumb,) just like I know that MY mentors don't have all the answers. And that's okay with them. Because it's more about listening and caring and less about giving answers.

When I step back and take a look at both those who mentor me, and those whom I mentor, there is a span of three generations between them all. What a simple but powerful way to fulfill God's simple command to "love one another." It amazes me to think about the wealth of experience that is being passed down the chain from the oldest to the youngest. And this pattern is being replicated over and over again, not only in my own church but in the church at large, the worldwide Bride of Christ. Think of how the world could change if everyone had mentor!