What if Church was Like Fast Food?

Megan was shocked when she walked into church that Sunday morning. A line-up of church-goers snaked almost to the door. She stood on her tiptoes to see what the line-up was for.

Straining to look over the heads of the crowd in front of her, she realized that the line began at a counter. Over the counter was a menu board, like the kind you'd find at McDonalds. On it were thousands of songs, sermon topics, and other items like "baptism," "church membership," "tithe (with a fill-in-the-blank for the amount)" and even a "no-tithe, no financial appeal" option.

"Wow," Megan thought, "This is great! Finally, a church experience that's tailored just for ME!."

Of course, waiting in line was a bit of a hassle. But, Megan figured, it would be worth it.

As she got closer to the front of the line she overheard others placing their orders.

"I'd like four hymns with a side of pipe organ, and PLEASE hold the drums" an elderly woman said. "I can't STAND drums!"

Beside her a teenager with blue hair and a lip ring asked, "Do you have the punk version of "Blessed Be Your Name?"

One of the ladies behind the counter was saying to the man in her queue, "The usual today Mr. Johnson?" Mr. Johnson answered gruffly, "Of course, and make sure my sermon is in King James only this time!"

One young woman ordered "Extended prayer time" while still another ordered "Less prayer, otherwise I fall asleep!"

Megan couldn't believe it. When it was finally her turn to order, she picked all of her favorite worship songs, avoided hymns and brass instruments ("I HATE the saxophone!" she thought to herself), chose a sermon that would get her out of church in time to meet friends for lunch, and asked to be seated as far away from parents with babies and young children as possible ("They're just SO disturbing to my worship environment" she said the the gentleman behind the counter, who nodded knowingly in response.)

The service began shortly, and Megan was excited to see how her service order would unfold. She was certain this would be the best church service she ever experienced.

She wasn't quite prepared for the chaos that ensued. It was a cacophony of instruments, song styles, clashing instruments (like "resounding gongs and clanging cymbals" she'd thought to herself. "Funny, I never quite understood that passage like that....") When it was time for her sermon, she could barely hear it over all the shouting; different verses, passages, topics and translations (even a few foreign languages... the guy next to her thought he detected Aramaic in the mix. "Must be one of those Bible purists" he'd commented to her) swarmed around her so that she couldn't distinguish anything at all. She couldn't even tell when her program had ended, what with all of the singing and praying aloud still going on all around her.

Megan finally gave up and left. "Maybe," she wondered, "This isn't as great as I thought it would be. Wouldn't it be easier if we all just gave in a little, or even a lot, and just enjoyed worshipping together? After all," she reasoned, "I guess it IS really supposed to be about God, right?"