Thursday, November 19, 2009

Friday Funnies

Here's one that was told to me years ago. It was one of those "true stories" that "I heard from a friend who had a cousin who married a girl whose Dad went to this church..." or something like that. So of course it must be a true story. Or not.

Two missionary ladies were home on furlough and visiting a supporting church one Sunday morning. They were scheduled to speak briefly during the morning service about their missionary endeavors.

When they arrived at the church the chairman of the missions committee, a Mr. Harry Buttz greeted them, showed them to a seat, and told them that the pastor would call them up on stage when it was time for them to speak. The chairman then spoke briefly with the pastor and sat down in the audience.

When the time came for the women to speak, the pastor fumbled through his notes, realizing that he could not remember the names of the missionary ladies. He floundered for a moment, and then, at a loss for any other words, simply announced from the pulpit: "Would the two ladies with Harry Buttz please come to the front?"


(If you don't get it, try saying that last line aloud to yourself.)

Here are a couple more I enjoy:

A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff.

Full of fear he assessed his situation. He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death. Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer. Again and again he cried out but to no avail. Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there? "

A deep voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."

"Who is it?"

"It's the Lord"

"Can you help me?"

"Yes, I can help."

"Help me!"

"Let go."

Looking around the man became full of panic. "What?!?!"

"Let go. I will catch you."

"Uh... Is there anybody else up there?"


* * * * * * * * *

BULLETIN BLOOPER (or Freudian slip???????): "Ushers will eat latecomers."

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