Some church people will complain about anything: the toilet paper in the bathroom is too scratchy; the courtesy pencils are never sharp enough; the carpet in the sanctuary doesn't match the upholstery on the pews; the communion bread is too dry; someone in the balcony was throwing paper airplanes onto the floor during the service again (probably the youth group,) the flower arrangements on the stage smell like a funeral home.Complainia Chronicosis is a common problem within the church at large. The cause may have something to do with Eve sharing that wretched piece of fruit with Adam. Fortunately, a cure is possible, as the Apostle Paul had discovered (Philippians 4:11.)
You may be suffering from Complainia Chronicosis if:
1) You've been banned from the church prayer chain for sharing too many "concerns."
2) Women pull their hemlines down and their necklines up whenever you walk by.
3) People's eyes glaze over when you talk to them in the lobby on Sunday mornings.
4) There's a permanent Monday morning slot in the Pastor's appointment book with your name in it.
5) The pastoral staff has renamed the strongest brew of office coffee after you.
6) The phrase "That's an interesting point you've made" sounds like a compliment to you.
7) Strangely, the microphone "shorts out" every time you get up to "share" at church business meetings.
8) You've ever been referred to by church staff members as a "Frequent Flyer."
9) You have the Pastor's phone number programmed into your speed dial.
10) The Pastor has your number programmed into his speed dial.
If you answered "Yes" to one or more of these questions, you may indeed suffer from Complainia Chronicosis. If you answered "Yes" to more than half of these questions, you may be in imminent danger of excommunication.
Need a second opinion? If you think you might be suffering from Complainia Chronicosis, talk to your Pastor or a trusted comrade. Remember Proverbs 27 verse 6 : "Wounds from a friend can be trusted."
* * * * * *
I received this tidbit of church humor in the form of a forwarded email last week. It was too funny not to share with all of my readers. It's a good example of what can happen when churches disagree and the gloves come off.....
This inter-church feud began when the Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church posted this on its sign:
1) You've been banned from the church prayer chain for sharing too many "concerns."
2) Women pull their hemlines down and their necklines up whenever you walk by.
3) People's eyes glaze over when you talk to them in the lobby on Sunday mornings.
4) There's a permanent Monday morning slot in the Pastor's appointment book with your name in it.
5) The pastoral staff has renamed the strongest brew of office coffee after you.
6) The phrase "That's an interesting point you've made" sounds like a compliment to you.
7) Strangely, the microphone "shorts out" every time you get up to "share" at church business meetings.
8) You've ever been referred to by church staff members as a "Frequent Flyer."
9) You have the Pastor's phone number programmed into your speed dial.
10) The Pastor has your number programmed into his speed dial.
If you answered "Yes" to one or more of these questions, you may indeed suffer from Complainia Chronicosis. If you answered "Yes" to more than half of these questions, you may be in imminent danger of excommunication.
Need a second opinion? If you think you might be suffering from Complainia Chronicosis, talk to your Pastor or a trusted comrade. Remember Proverbs 27 verse 6 : "Wounds from a friend can be trusted."
* * * * * *
I received this tidbit of church humor in the form of a forwarded email last week. It was too funny not to share with all of my readers. It's a good example of what can happen when churches disagree and the gloves come off.....
This inter-church feud began when the Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church posted this on its sign:
To which the Beulah Cumberland Presbyterian Church across the street responded:
The Catholics apparently found this disagreeable:
The Presbyterians countered with characteristic "dog"matism:
But the Catholics were unshaken:
The Presbyterians could not leave such heresy unchallenged:
This apparently gave the Catholics a good idea for a sales gimmick:
In case the Catholics didn't hear them the first time, the Presbyterians reminded them:
But in this sign war, the Catholics got the last word:
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